Part II: “Wanted: Women’s Soccer Coach”

Scene: Beacon Staffing HQ

We return to Beacon CEO Ross Rossington’s office. He is beaming over U.S. Soccer’s hiring of Jill Ellis as the new head coach of the U.S. Women’s National Soccer team, since it was he who suggested her as a candidate.

Ross: Well, there, see, we finally got them their female American coach after all!

Michelle: British, sir.

Ross: She’s not American? I thought she was American.

Michelle: You’re not alone, sir.

Ross: Whatever. Now look, Margaret. (fixes gaze hard at Michelle). We’ve got a real opportunity here, a chance to put Beacon Staffing on the map and show our clients we can do more than just recommend new candidates.

Michelle: What do you mean, sir?

Ross: We can make a big splash by announcing this! The soccer people – they’re busy right now. Their focus is on that men’s team that’s going to Mexico for the World Cup…

Michelle: Brazil…

Ross: That’s what I said, Brazil. All the big muckety-mucks over there are falling over themselves to make sure the men win another World Cup. How long has it been?

Michelle: Never…

Ross: Well, then, see, that just proves my point. They’re going to get all the money, all the resources, anything and everything they need to ensure they don’t embarrass themselves in front of the whole world. Do you see what I’m getting at, Margaret?

Michelle: Not exactly, sir. How are we supposed to announce it?

Ross: With the internet!

Michelle: The internet, sir?

Ross: Yes! You see, Margaret, the only people who care about women’s soccer are the little girls who go to the games. And all those little girls love the internet. If we can find a way to get this information right to them, the soccer people will love us for it!

Michelle: They will?

Ross: Of course! Think about how much money it will save them! Use that internet to reach the people who really care!

Michelle: Well, I suppose…

Ross: And they really need to save money, you know. I hear that men’s coach makes almost 10 times what the women’s coach makes, and money doesn’t grow on trees, Margaret.

Michelle: No, sir. So what do you want to do?

Ross: Well, I was thinking. Call up Ellen and ask her to do a shelfie with Ellis.

Michelle: A shelfie?

Ross: Yes, and then make sure you get it onto America Online as soon as possible.

Michelle: But sir…

Ross: Do… do you think we can put some writing on there that says, “You’ve got Jill”? (laughs hysterically)

Michelle: Sir, I don’t think Ellen will do that.

Ross: Oh, fine. What do you suggest?

Michelle: Well sir, the fastest way to reach the most people is with social media.

Ross: Social media? You mean like Facebooks?

Michelle: Yes, sir. And Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram…

Ross: Wait, what’s that last one? Instawhat?

Michelle: Instagram, sir. It’s a popular social media site for sharing pictures.

Ross: It sounds fast. I like that, we can get the shelfie out there really fast.

Michelle: Sir, Instagram isn’t really appropriate for this kind of real news. It’s where people share pictures of what’s going on in their lives, funny things, photos of their pets, and especially what they’re eating and drinking.

Ross: Well, Margaret, maybe we can change that too. Release this important information about the coach of the top women’s soccer team in the world via Instagram… that is sure to make waves.

Michelle: That… that is true, sir.

Ross: (bangs desk) Then let’s do it! Get a picture of Ellis – something that will fit in with what regular people put on there. Do we have one of her looking kind of caught off-guard? Something that looks spontaneous?

Michelle: Let me see… Well, here’s one, she looks like someone is trying to sell her Amway. And she’s wearing a rain jacket. And it’s kind of awkward.

Ross: Is she holding a kitten or drinking some coffee?

Michelle: Um, no sir.

Ross: That’s too bad. Let’s just use that one anyway. Instamail it!

Michelle: (sighs) Yes, sir.

aaaaand scene!


Credit: U.S. Soccer

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